10dp2dt

Well I really wish I had something good to say. I don't though tested today because you know I like to break my own heart every morning when I have to pee. Its a negative I'm almost 100% positive at this point it didn't work. How could it not work?! I don't understand I mean I'm not naive I went into this knowing this was probably the outcome and thinking positive has nothing to do with this. I can guarantee you that just because you thought positive the whole time that is the reason it worked I just don't believe that at all. If its going to work its just going to work and that is that there is nothing special anyone did or any magical thinking its just the way of life. Now I still have not started but I should any day now and all that effort all that hope and money and everything it takes to do this will be gone just like that. I don't know how some women do it. How do you do it? Over and over and over again. My blood test is not until Thursday but i highly doubt I will even need to go the only thing I'm looking forward to now is stopping those damn shots and being able to have sex and work out again ha ha. That is about the only good thing about it but were young so there is still hope its just going to be gone for a while until we can try again I'm thankful we have time but it really makes no difference in all this either way we put two babies back in me and I believe they both didn't make it which in honesty is the same thing as having a miscarriage. Just in a different way because they were alive they were there and we have pictures of them most people I know personally that had miscarriages didn't even get to see it. which im sure makes no difference but I seen mine they were there. I don't know what happened but at least we can try again sometime soon I hope now I'm just going to try and enjoy the holidays without anymore needles and doctor appointments.