shabby

Sunday, November 30, 2014

My whole world

I lay here sometimes in shock I still dont see how this is really my life now. Trying so hard for years to get here and then to wake up to the most adorable noises is so surreal. I look down at him and I cant believe we did it and he is here and our forever. I am so happy that we had to struggle it was hard but the second I laid my eyes on this sweet boy it was all worth it I would do it a hundred times to get him. I just think if we didnt get that loan or find those last minute meds that this exact boy would not be here with us its some kind of fate for sure. I will get around to a birth story it was not all what I wanted and was filled with the scariest time of my life after he was born we didnt get to go home with him for three days he was in the nursery on monitors. Thank god we are home now and he is healthy and the best thing that has ever happened to us. Breastfeeding is hard I dont think I have slept since Tuesday but I could care less everytime he lays there with me looking around making the cutest faces ever who needs sleep this is the life and im so thankful I finally get to have my family. Aiden Noah 7.6 lbs 19 inches born November 25 meet my sweet boy.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Waiting

Oh man I feel like I will go crazy if I dont get to meet this little boy soon!! Today marks 39 weeks 3 days and im getting so anxious. Its not that I am done being pregnant or miserable at all I know I will miss feeling him move all the time but I just want to hold him and see who he looks like. I dont know when he will decide to get here I really just wish it would happen right now I am terrified of going over and getting induced so I have been trying a few natural methods but of course nothing is going to work if he is not ready. This feeling of being this close to something so huge is just hard to explain to know at any moment I could meet my son is almost too much to handle. I had my membranes stripped on Monday and it caused me to lose a lot of mucus plug and was pretty crampy for a couple days but that was all. I just cant wait to hold him and feel his weight in my arms and see who's features he has and who he looks like more. I just want him here so bad I could cry but I will be patient and wait for him to be ready. I just hope its sooner rather then much later I dont want to go over 42 weeks I really dont want to end up with any drugs in my system I am scared for that to happen so im just going to keep walking miles and using my oils and hope he gets good and ready here soon. I keep reading other blogs and seeing them post 37 weeks or 39 weeks then the next post is a birth story or he is here!! I just want my turn and im so so close come on Aiden we got this baby boy!!!!

Thursday, November 13, 2014

38+3

So this is what the waiting game feels like. I have to admit its much worse then the two week wait ever was. To be so close to the thing you fought the past four years for is just an indescribable feeling. Any day now I will get to meet my son and its so much I almost cant handle it its hard to even think about. I have just been trying to keep myself as busy as possible I will admit I am running out of patience I just want to see him and hold him now. I had my 38 week appointment yesterday and it went well he is growing like he should and has a strong heartbeat. I was checked again and its about the same as last week 70% effaced and almost at a two. I am getting my membranes stripped on Monday at 39 weeks I just cant wait for him to get here that is the most im willing to intervene and if it doesn't work we will just keep waiting for him to decide its time. I am finally done with work and have been cleaning my butt off around home. Today I vaccumed all the cracks in the living room and then washed the carpets it felt good. It was a good time to be done with work too because it decided to blizzard for the first time this winter. I am so glad to not have to drive home in the mess I really wanted him to be here before the snow hit but thats okay I am grateful we bought a nice car for him to be safe in that is AWD. I am getting uncomfortable for the first time this whole pregnancy my hips kill me at night I dont know if its from the extra weight now or what but my hips and back just hurt I still feel good other then that. Today was the day I predicted he would get here but I was being generous to myself ha ha who knows though he could be here tonight for all I know or it could be a few more weeks please lets not go with that thought though. I am up about 21 pounds so far its slowed way down too I think I will only gain another pound or two at the most I have been really lucky its all baby I have had no swelling at all you cant tell im pregnant anywhere else my face or ankles. It all in the boobs and belly so hopefully afterwards it wont be too hard to get back to the old me. Well I guess im going to take a bath and see if that helps my sore spots lets send baby vibes this way I just want him to get here healthy and safe.

Monday, November 3, 2014

Full term!

I cant believe I am even typing that. I never ever thought we would make it to this point and its still really hard to believe and wrap my mind around it. I remember taking my first pregnancy test after the second IVF cycle I think it was only 6dp3dt and it was a negative I thought its really early but please dont let this be another negative I tried not to worry and knew it was my fault for starting to test so early. I said I was going to wait then of course the next day I woke up and tested. My husband was mad he didnt want to watch me torture myself again. I took that test and it looked like another negative. You know after taking hundreds of tests we save the and always come back later to look at them like a crazy person to see if just maybe we didn't see something. Well thats when I saw it the faintest shadow I have ever seen I had to turn it all sorts of ways to see this shadow but that was the first time I have ever in my life even seen such a thing show up every other time I couldn't make up a shadow if I wanted too. When my husband got home I asked him what he thought and he said he could see it too and that was the first time in my life I let myself think just maybe could this have worked this time I got excited I would open the closet door and look at the tiny baby outfit we had bought after the transfer and just stare at it. I would then tell myself no way its probably just an evap and im going to be heartbroken. The next day I took another one I just had a pack of those cheap internet ones and sure enough a darker little shadow popped up again. I thought no way so of course I did what any crazy obsessed person would do and went out and bought some first response I held my pee all day long and took it. Wow first ever real positive showed up I didnt even know what to think or what to do I never thought we would make it to that point ever. My husband was happy but right after that all the scary thoughts came rushing in I couldnt even fully enjoy it at first I was so scared was it eptopic was I going to end up losing this baby just so much stuff I had never even thought about before went through my mind. It honestly took me a really long time to believe this baby was going to be here to stay and even now being full term I still sometimes think the worst. I dont know if its normal or just after everything we have gone through but the closer we are to meeting this baby I just keep hoping and praying everything goes good and I get to take him home healthy and happy. I am so grateful to have made it this far I was so scared to have a pre term baby I dont know why but sometimes it happens to people for no reason at all and I was just so scared so to have come this far means so much to me. He is an active little boy and I just cant wait to meet him its hard to wait now because I know he would be okay on the outside and I just want him here safe in my arms at this point. Last week at my midwife check up I was 50% thinned out and dilated to a one. I was happy that my body seemed like it was trying to at least do something already I know it could mean nothing but it felt better to hear that then your not dilated or thinned at all. Today is my 37 week check up and I am excited to see if anymore changes are happening I just want to meet him and finally experience being a family of three that we always dreamed of. My guess is the 13th I dont know why but I feel like that is the day everyone at work has taken guesses we will see who ends up right!!