7w1d

Oh my goodness did we really make it this far!?!? I know its not that far really but for me its the furthest we have ever made it I just wish I knew for sure that the little baby was still growing as it should since I have not had an ultrasound since last Monday how do I know this? Sounds terrible but its true I just don't know but my boobs are bigger and still hurt like hell so I will take that as a positive sign. Is it crazy that I try to not eat sometimes in the morning to see if I get sick how sad huh but I cant help it I just want reassurance I just don't know what to do with myself all I can do is believe and hope that come Monday we will see a little gummy bear in there moving around with a great heartbeat. I keep meaning to take a picture I will do that tonight I have zero pictures since getting pregnant and I want some so I need to get on it. I still think I can tell I am showing something bloat or baby I just still don't know but I feel like my right side is poking out more and more my tattoos make it easier to see I cant wait to get further along in this I don't know if I ever will feel safe until I have a baby in my arms. So on the survivors guilt I truly don't feel like a survivor in any way shape or form. I feel super scared and while I am so grateful to make it this far I just cant stop being so damn scared. I don't feel guilty at all that this worked for us we went through hell to get here it just hurts my heart when I read others that didn't make it yet and its just so hard I know this but I truly hope one day we all get what we have been fighting so hard for. I am honestly wishing my days away like never before I just want to fast forward and skip all this uncertainty. For now another update its crazy what has been going on in there its absolutely amazing how a baby grows I never thought I would be googling the things I have been its been surreal and amazing. Now about one half of an inch / 1.25 centimetres long, the size of a chick pea. The embryo has distinct, slightly webbed fingers and toes. It's a jumping bean, moving in fits and starts. The liver is churning out large amounts of red blood cells until the bone marrow forms and takes over this role. The eighth week marks the beginning of a very busy developmental stage. Between now and 20 weeks, your baby will be growing rapidly, and body parts that formed in the first few weeks of life (such as the heart and brain) will become more specialized and complicated. Right now, the teeth and palate are forming, while the ears continue to develop. The fetus' skin is paper thin, and veins are clearly visible. Per babycenter.com Goodness I still cant believe this is real and its me typing this stuff I have read hundreds of blogs and its just so insane to think this story is mine I am praying to whoever is out there and listening to keep this pregnancy safe and let us take our miracle home!!!!!!