One day

There is going to come a time where I am going to miss all of this. This time in my life right now all these moments are going to keep coming and going. While its hard to understand right now through my new mamma fog brain I am going to miss this. I wish I could capture all of these memories and save them for my future self. The raw emotions a new mother goes through all the learning she has to do to become the person she was meant to be. If I could only pause time right now and go ask my future old self what I miss the most and what to cherish before its all gone so fast. I try my hardest to appreciate the time we have right now together the days already pass by so fast your getting so big growing right before my eyes. Its hard to think right now or at 1 am and again at 3 am sometimes all night long that soon you wont need this you wont need me in the night anymore. I try to remind myself to always be patient and to relish in everything you do and I think I do pretty good the best I can in my sleep deprived state but im afraid it wont be enough that my future self is going to be upset I didnt try harder to live in the moment. I wont lie sometimes late at night I tell myself I wish you would grow faster and be older so this isnt so hard. Its those new mama emotions someone should warn you about but seems no one ever mentions the fierce part of nature that takes over your body in those first few weeks they took me by a storm. I lost myself in a million little pieces only to find who I was always meant to be. Now here we are almost two and half months later and im not so scared anymore we know each other and I have fallen in love so much harder then I thought was even possible. Now im going to do my best to savor every moment we have right now because its all going to be gone too soon. I want to always remember the way you stare it seems right through me when your nursing the way you accidently unlatch yourself because your smiling so big. The middle of the night when the world is asleep and its just me and you and the quiet no noise no lights your chubby little hands gripping on so tight. I could already go back and tell the new mom that was crying day and night in the beginning to just hang on tell her she is already missing out on you missing the newborn moments in the haze. So for now today and always I am going to think to my future self and what would she be saying so I dont look back and regret missing out I want to feel it all its okay if I dont sleep again anytime soon I know one day that I will and I will wish that I wasnt. I love you little boy you made me something I was not before and I am learning right along with you one day at a time.