The dreaded M word

I have been very fortunate up until this point when it came to breastfeeding. My little man knew right away what to do right at the start we had to use a nipple shield for the first two weeks and after that I tried to put him on without and we never looked back. I never got the cracked nipples and sure it hurt a little at first until they got toughened up but other then that it was smooth sailing milk came in on day three and all was well. That is until last thursday and I woke up with a rock hard lump in my right breast. I thought oh I must have just not had him empty it enough. I tried to get him to eat for a while on it but it did not go away and I was sooo tired I just went back to sleep and thought I would worry about it in the morning. A few hours later I woke up shivering to death I was sooo cold but I could tell I felt extremely hot I took my temp and sure enough it was around 103 I thought I was going to die sounds drastic but its true I had never felt so terrible in all my life and it only took hours to feel that sick. I woke up and tried to pump and pump to get the clog out but to no avail. I took the hottest shower I could and massaged it until I had bruises. I pretty much tried everything I could think of to take care of it without having to get on medication I did everything all the natural things you could think of and I just cried my little heart out that I couldnt get it to go away by 48 hours I was done I was miserable beyond belief and trying to take care of my little boy was just soo hard I felt so bad I could barley get him out of his crib let alone play with him. So to the dreaded doctors I went and sure enough I had full blown mastitis. I would never wish this upon anyone it was by far the worst infection I have ever had and now im on antibiotics I feel much better but im scared to death its going to come back I am terrified it will. I also thought I was running out of milk and was just so so sad with my body. I know I was doing too much and needed to slow down little man still wakes 3-4 times a night if not more so sleep is not good but I handle it well and can function without much but its obvious my body still needs it more then my mind must. I am taking probiotics along with the antibiotics hopefully they can battle it out and I still get some of my good bacteria. I am so afraid for my little man to get thrush from them but he has been fine so far so im praying he is handling it okay. I am now trying to take extra care of my body and also my mind I need to eat better sleep more and stress less and hopefully this will never ever happen again. There are lots of exciting things coming up though im excited that spring is finally here and warm weather is coming! Also my little boy will soon be four months old and with that comes a lot of new exciting milestones I cant wait to share what he is already doing and we are waiting for his new jumparoo to come in the mail he is going to love it. Well that is what I have been up to this past week no fun but cant wait for all the new stuff that is about to come with my boy hope everyone is doing well.