Two weeks old

Oh my love how can you already be two weeks old yesterday!! Its hard to find the time to write when your always on the boob but that is okay. Where to start I have so much to say but no time to say it. These past two weeks have flew by but at times it goes so slow. I have never been so exhausted or more in love in my whole life. No one could ever prepare you for a newborn its the hardest thing I have ever done but also the most rewarding even if it is just drunken milk smiles at all hours of the night. You dont like to sleep at night and it makes for a very sleep deprived mommy but we are getting the hang of it. When we first got home I was so overwhelmed and scared I didnt sleep for a week straight so scared he would stop breathing in the night. Its gotten much much better I get more and more comfortable with him and it seems we are getting to know eachother more everyday. I love the sweet baby noises you make when you sleep or for the few hours that you are awake and not mad you just stare bright eyed. We think your going to keep those beautiful blue eyes you get those from your daddy you look so much like him its the sweetest thing. Here soon I will get the birth post up just as soon as I get another second to myself. We took you to your check up today and you my boy are growing so well all that boob is really doing something for you you already weight 8.9 lbs and are up to 21 inches thats amazing and makes your mom feel good about all those hours spent feeding you constantly. We managed to get your newborn pictures done not to the delight of yourself though you hated it and screamed the whole time but we got a few ones captured I am happy to at least have a few for the books. I cant wait to see you grow its already going so fast I need to slow down and enjoy these moments even if I cant keep my eyes open. I love you more then you could ever know and im so excited for our future together as a family your waking up now sweet boy got to go.

My whole world

I lay here sometimes in shock I still dont see how this is really my life now. Trying so hard for years to get here and then to wake up to the most adorable noises is so surreal. I look down at him and I cant believe we did it and he is here and our forever. I am so happy that we had to struggle it was hard but the second I laid my eyes on this sweet boy it was all worth it I would do it a hundred times to get him. I just think if we didnt get that loan or find those last minute meds that this exact boy would not be here with us its some kind of fate for sure. I will get around to a birth story it was not all what I wanted and was filled with the scariest time of my life after he was born we didnt get to go home with him for three days he was in the nursery on monitors. Thank god we are home now and he is healthy and the best thing that has ever happened to us. Breastfeeding is hard I dont think I have slept since Tuesday but I could care less everytime he lays there with me looking around making the cutest faces ever who needs sleep this is the life and im so thankful I finally get to have my family. Aiden Noah 7.6 lbs 19 inches born November 25 meet my sweet boy.

Waiting

Oh man I feel like I will go crazy if I dont get to meet this little boy soon!! Today marks 39 weeks 3 days and im getting so anxious. Its not that I am done being pregnant or miserable at all I know I will miss feeling him move all the time but I just want to hold him and see who he looks like. I dont know when he will decide to get here I really just wish it would happen right now I am terrified of going over and getting induced so I have been trying a few natural methods but of course nothing is going to work if he is not ready. This feeling of being this close to something so huge is just hard to explain to know at any moment I could meet my son is almost too much to handle. I had my membranes stripped on Monday and it caused me to lose a lot of mucus plug and was pretty crampy for a couple days but that was all. I just cant wait to hold him and feel his weight in my arms and see who's features he has and who he looks like more. I just want him here so bad I could cry but I will be patient and wait for him to be ready. I just hope its sooner rather then much later I dont want to go over 42 weeks I really dont want to end up with any drugs in my system I am scared for that to happen so im just going to keep walking miles and using my oils and hope he gets good and ready here soon. I keep reading other blogs and seeing them post 37 weeks or 39 weeks then the next post is a birth story or he is here!! I just want my turn and im so so close come on Aiden we got this baby boy!!!!

38+3

So this is what the waiting game feels like. I have to admit its much worse then the two week wait ever was. To be so close to the thing you fought the past four years for is just an indescribable feeling. Any day now I will get to meet my son and its so much I almost cant handle it its hard to even think about. I have just been trying to keep myself as busy as possible I will admit I am running out of patience I just want to see him and hold him now. I had my 38 week appointment yesterday and it went well he is growing like he should and has a strong heartbeat. I was checked again and its about the same as last week 70% effaced and almost at a two. I am getting my membranes stripped on Monday at 39 weeks I just cant wait for him to get here that is the most im willing to intervene and if it doesn't work we will just keep waiting for him to decide its time. I am finally done with work and have been cleaning my butt off around home. Today I vaccumed all the cracks in the living room and then washed the carpets it felt good. It was a good time to be done with work too because it decided to blizzard for the first time this winter. I am so glad to not have to drive home in the mess I really wanted him to be here before the snow hit but thats okay I am grateful we bought a nice car for him to be safe in that is AWD. I am getting uncomfortable for the first time this whole pregnancy my hips kill me at night I dont know if its from the extra weight now or what but my hips and back just hurt I still feel good other then that. Today was the day I predicted he would get here but I was being generous to myself ha ha who knows though he could be here tonight for all I know or it could be a few more weeks please lets not go with that thought though. I am up about 21 pounds so far its slowed way down too I think I will only gain another pound or two at the most I have been really lucky its all baby I have had no swelling at all you cant tell im pregnant anywhere else my face or ankles. It all in the boobs and belly so hopefully afterwards it wont be too hard to get back to the old me. Well I guess im going to take a bath and see if that helps my sore spots lets send baby vibes this way I just want him to get here healthy and safe.

Full term!

I cant believe I am even typing that. I never ever thought we would make it to this point and its still really hard to believe and wrap my mind around it. I remember taking my first pregnancy test after the second IVF cycle I think it was only 6dp3dt and it was a negative I thought its really early but please dont let this be another negative I tried not to worry and knew it was my fault for starting to test so early. I said I was going to wait then of course the next day I woke up and tested. My husband was mad he didnt want to watch me torture myself again. I took that test and it looked like another negative. You know after taking hundreds of tests we save the and always come back later to look at them like a crazy person to see if just maybe we didn't see something. Well thats when I saw it the faintest shadow I have ever seen I had to turn it all sorts of ways to see this shadow but that was the first time I have ever in my life even seen such a thing show up every other time I couldn't make up a shadow if I wanted too. When my husband got home I asked him what he thought and he said he could see it too and that was the first time in my life I let myself think just maybe could this have worked this time I got excited I would open the closet door and look at the tiny baby outfit we had bought after the transfer and just stare at it. I would then tell myself no way its probably just an evap and im going to be heartbroken. The next day I took another one I just had a pack of those cheap internet ones and sure enough a darker little shadow popped up again. I thought no way so of course I did what any crazy obsessed person would do and went out and bought some first response I held my pee all day long and took it. Wow first ever real positive showed up I didnt even know what to think or what to do I never thought we would make it to that point ever. My husband was happy but right after that all the scary thoughts came rushing in I couldnt even fully enjoy it at first I was so scared was it eptopic was I going to end up losing this baby just so much stuff I had never even thought about before went through my mind. It honestly took me a really long time to believe this baby was going to be here to stay and even now being full term I still sometimes think the worst. I dont know if its normal or just after everything we have gone through but the closer we are to meeting this baby I just keep hoping and praying everything goes good and I get to take him home healthy and happy. I am so grateful to have made it this far I was so scared to have a pre term baby I dont know why but sometimes it happens to people for no reason at all and I was just so scared so to have come this far means so much to me. He is an active little boy and I just cant wait to meet him its hard to wait now because I know he would be okay on the outside and I just want him here safe in my arms at this point. Last week at my midwife check up I was 50% thinned out and dilated to a one. I was happy that my body seemed like it was trying to at least do something already I know it could mean nothing but it felt better to hear that then your not dilated or thinned at all. Today is my 37 week check up and I am excited to see if anymore changes are happening I just want to meet him and finally experience being a family of three that we always dreamed of. My guess is the 13th I dont know why but I feel like that is the day everyone at work has taken guesses we will see who ends up right!!

Getting there

Life has been pretty busy and hectic these last couple weeks. Its been a nice distraction and has made the days go by quicker. Today marks 35 whole weeks being pregnant and I still can't even imagine what its going to be like to have a baby. We had quite the weekend this past one. I had my work baby shower on Friday and it turned out amazing all I had to do with this one was show up and it was such a relief to not have to plan and buy and do everything. My family shower I pretty much threw the whole thing because my family just does not have much money and it was fun to do it all but it was a lot my back hurt really bad for like three days after. This one was just simple and easy it was nice to be able to celebrate with my co workers they were with me through so much of the journey. I would have to take shots at work and leave all the time and of course I would be all hormonal and crazy and they would help support me the whole way. It turned out just great and we have more then enough things for this spoiled little boy. So now on to saturday night you never think how difficult it will be to have sex when you're almost nine months pregnant I just never thought about it before I had hard enough time imaging ever getting pregnant so anything past that part I never really thought much of. So here we are trying to figure out way to get the deed done and be comfortable which is just no easy task right now lol. Anyways we always manage to figure it out and well had a good night fast forward to around midnight. I woke up and felt really wet so went to the bathroom to check and my underwear had soaked through I thought hmm how weird but just could be the leftover from a fun night. Well cleaned up went back to bed woke up around 3am and same thing now is when I started to worry. It has never been this much of a mess before so I try to go back to sleep and wake up around 7 and it freaking happens again there goes me in freak out mode thinking my water is leaking!! We get up and get ready then throw the car seat in the car and all we had packed was his bag which we threw in the car too. Got to the hospital and let them know what may be going on. We got admitted and had a nice nurse come in and ask all the questions and then go back to get some tests. Well thank goodness the tests confirmed I was not leaking amniotic fluid!!! It was insane thinking we may just be having a baby we just were so not prepared for him to be here yet and while it was exciting thinking about meeting him already I am thankful he is going to get to grow some more. They checked me and I am not dilated at all which is good to hear but I am already almost 50% effaced which is exciting I will be full term in two more weeks only and I just cant even believe it. So who knows I dont care when he decides to come as long as he is going to be healthy and its on his time. I will tell you that he is very very low so low its hard to walk around we went to the pumpkin patch with my nieces and nephew and im sure people were thinking I was going to be having a baby right then and there! I was walking really funny and squeezing my husbands arm and hands ha ha we were getting some funny looks but there really is a lot of pressure on my cervix right now and im hoping its because he is head down and getting ready to go. I have my appointment next week which I will be 36 almost 37 weeks and they will check me again and we will see what is going on downtown. I am so excited to be here at this point its just so surreal I dont even know what to do with myself lately.

33 weeks!!!!

Things have been going great so far I still would count myself very lucky. We made it through IVF got pregnant made it past the subchorionic blood clot and made it past the 12 week mark. Now here we are 33 weeks along and we have a healthy growing baby boy and I just feel so happy even with the scary cord thing that happened we have come so far and made it past so many obstacles to get here I am just so grateful. I see myself in the mirror now at 8 and half months pregnant and I still cant believe its me sometimes I wake up and think maybe it was all a really good dream then I feel him moving all over and its just so surreal still. I feel like im grateful in a way for having to fight so hard for him I would never see things the way I do without having had to go through that and its clear the differences it has made when I talk to my friends that got pregnant so easy most on accident. I am happy for this insight and the way it has shaped me as a mother. I already appreciate so much more then so many women I know and I am thankful for that. We got our maternity photo shoot done and it turned out so amazing I have waited a long time to get to this point and never even knew if it would come it was such a beautiful day and the pictures so far ones we have seen turned out perfect. My little boy is getting so strong some of his movements have now become painful and its just amazing to watch his whole body move around in there I think he is going to run out of room really fast these days. I just cant wait until we get to see him and hold him in our arms its going by so fast I know he will be here before we even know it. Soon we are going to get the carseat installed and start packing our bags and it still just blows me away I cant believe its us that is going through this and experiencing all these amazing things. According to the bump.com he is the size of a duranian fruit im not sure what that is but by the way he feels in there it must be pretty big already. He weighs around 4.5 to 5.8 pounds he is a little guy like us so im betting were around the 4.5 mark and is over 17 inches long wow!! This has been the most amazing time of my life and sadly im already thinking and not going to lie worrying about a future sibling. Is he ever going to get one how hard will we have to fight for another one? I feel so incredibly lucky to only have had to do two IUI's and two full cycles of IVF to get this little miracle I know it wasn't the easiest but it didn't take 3 or 4 or who knows how many it could have taken to get him. I just hope that the future wont be too hard of a battle for us and we get as lucky as we did this time.