Day 10

Gosh I wish time would go faster it seemed like it flew right by the first week or so and now were getting closer to the good stuff its just dragging. Todays appointment went really good! We are still looking at around 7-8 eggs which I think is just perfect because I dont want to be one of the ones who gets like 20 that just can not be good for anybodys body really. I go back this Saturday and probably going to trigger then and go in for egg retrieval on Monday!!! Ahhh im getting so excited but its nerve racking I hate surgerys and while its just a minor one its still surgery none the less. The only other things I have done like that is get my wisdom teeth out and do Egg retrieval so its just scary for me. We are most likely doing a three day transfer which i'm happy about I would rather just get them back where they are supposed to be and hope for the best! I am here at work trying to work but i'm not doing a very good job I cant seem to focus on anything right now i'm sure its just nerves but I am definitely slacking today ha ha oh well right i'm all hopped up on hormones so I can slack for a little. I just keep thinking I should have some babies in me by next week which is just a crazy thought i'm so hopeful and excited to see what happens. Please send good thoughts our way!!!! I am feeling quite full down there now and i'm afraid if I lay on my stomach or have sex i'm going to pop the eggs lol which I know is not going to happen but it sure feels that way. Im just a babbler today im going to go and try to do some work before I get fired ha ha.

Day 7

Going to sleep last night after doing our injections I started to get so nervous. I was just thinking about everything that could possibly happen at todays appointment and I just scared the hell out of myself its hard going through all this and not having much control. I just do as i'm told and take what they say and hope to god my body cooperates its such a helpless feeling. I just tossed and turned all night hoping with everything that todays appoint would bring good news. The only side effect I have at this point is my poor face is breaking out but thats okay I can handle that. So we got to the doctors office and I seriously thought I was going to throw up I just kept thinking what if there is only a few follicles what if they are too small just so many what ifs I need to stop that. Everything went great!! We are looking at around 8 eggs right now 8!!!!! I just was so relieved to hear that number and see how they were all pretty close in size too a couple were close to 10 but the rest were all right behind and he thinks we may even get a few of the stragglers to catch up in time. I go back Thursday and hopefully we will be triggering soon all of this just is moving so fast i'm so thankful things are going along smoothly. I cant wait for Thursday i'm thinking we will be triggering sometime either this weekend or early next week I just cant wait!!!!!!!!!!!

Liquid gold

I am so excited with how the weather has been it has been amazing this weekend. It was close to sixty degrees today which is much much warmer then its been in months. There was not even a cloud in the sky just beautiful blueness we definitely were out and about enjoying it. We decided to not go up Payson canyon for the thousandth time and went up santaquin for the first time in years. Its a really pretty canyon but its sad to see how much of it got burnt up from the fire last year some parts look so sad. Things are moving right along with this ivf cycle. Today is day six of the cycle I cant wait for the appointment tomorrow to see how many eggs we can potentially get. I actually feel pretty good no crazy mood swing yet or nothing I feel like its much better on my body to be doing the injections rather then taking clomid and femara for the first few days that stuff really seems to get to me more. I have had a few crying episodes but other then that its been great. So back to the injections that stuff is so damn expensive I honestly consider it liquid gold and my lovely husband tonight while doing an injection panicked and squirted about half of the vials worth out everywhere. I was so mad it was kinda funny but then again not it had to be at least twenty dollars worth of liquid ha ha but its okay we ended up just doing a whole other shot I would rather have more then not enough and keep those babies growing! Well I will be back tomorrow with an update on what we have going on after the doctors i'm nervous and excited please please let this one be it!!!!!

Green light

Well green means go right so thats what the plan is! I am so excited its just scary and all these feelings at once again. I am terrified that something will go wrong for some reason I mean all kinds of things can go wrong I just hope it goes as smoothly as the first time did only ending with success and lots of eggs! I feel like we have so much of a better handle on it this time around we are going a lot stronger. I start shots tomorrow and after that its just going to go so fast I hope my body cooperates more this time and does not disagree with all these drugs it does not like to have in it. I will have to post some pictures tomorrow I want to try to post every day so I can remember all of this I don't want to forget either way whatever the outcome is because its a huge thing to go through every time and its just something I want to look back and remember. So when the day comes and we finally have our baby we can look back and see how hard we fought to get there. At the ultra sound today I had lots of little follicles that may just end up being the golden egg!!! I cant wait to get farther along in this I have a follow up ultrasound on Monday and blood draw lets hope for lots of growing follicles just not too many haha!

Baseline!!!

Ahhhhh!!!! I am freaking out I finally started today its not much of a period but I was told it was going to be like this because of the birth control so here we go tomorrow morning 8:30 AM is the baseline ultrasound as long as everything looks good and it better! I will be starting stims the next day I am so excited to be back to this point and actually moving towards a goal that is a baby of course. I will be taking two vials of Menopur a day and then go for a follow up here soon probably Monday I would assume. Then we will just go from there i'm excited to see how many follicles we can get this time since last round we only did the minimal stimulation we still got three and 100% fertilization with ICSI but still I think that is pretty good. Were aiming for more like 10-15 eggs this time around which is much much more than the last time we will just see if my body will cooperate it sure does not like drugs or foreign things in it. I just wished it would have worked and we would not be here again but thats okay we are getting another chance and for that I am grateful. I am also going to be starting a pill called Dexamethasone anyone hear of this? I believe it is to help my body not reject the embryos and also to prevent antibodies i'm not for sure on that though I will have to clarify. I just can't wait for all this to get happening it is going to go so fast once I start the shots I just really can not wait to get to the outcome it feels like forever away! Well look out for a post tomorrow as for now baby making is on!!!!

Ice castles

I seriously love Valentines day. I know most of it is just a big thing to make a ton of money and its way over marketed just like they couldn't put the Easter stuff out fast enough yesterday. Putting all that aside though it still is a fun day to just remember how much you love someone not that you don't do that everyday but who doesnt like an excuse to go out to dinner and do something special I for one am not going to complain. I think this year was one of our best ever and its the year we probably spent the least on each other. I ended up making him a pretty cute beer bouquet it turned out really really good. I didn't know what he was going to get me he mentioned he was making something at work for me but I couldn't even think what that would be. He works as a CNC machinist and he uses a giant machine to cut out steel parts for those big freeways signs you all see. Well he designed and cut out the prettiest black flower I was really surprised it is really pretty I cant wait to take it to work and put it on my desk. He also bought me flowers that were huge and beautiful. Best part was him coming home with Red lobster YUM!!! can you say Lobsterfest!!!! Oh my gosh so freaking good makes me hungry just thinking about it! After we ate and relaxed for a while we drove an hour to go see the pretty Ice castles in Midway. It was really pretty I think they have melted quite a bit though and we were getting dripped on but it was still pretty cool and fun to see. I think my favorite part was driving through provo canyon at night anyone that doesn't live by mountains this big your missing out. There is just something so intimidating about being eaten up by two HUGE mountains in the middle of the night everywhere you look you have to look way way up to even find the sky you are just surrounded its awesome. I tried to get some pictures while we were driving but it was too dark and the sky was pretty dark too sad days. I am very excited to say IVF is on full force we ended up getting thing figured out right when we needed too and im just so happy and excited I feel like we have such a better shot this time I just can wait to get things started I am taking my last birth control tonight then just playing the waiting game until the magic cycle starts!!! I hope it doesn't take too long the last time I took this stuff was like five years ago or more so I have no idea how my body is going to react to being on it again. I also started acupuncture its pretty interesting I do think I like it I have quite a bit of tattoos so I was thinking like oh this shouldn't hurt but it actually did a little bit I was nervous. In the end though I felt really relaxed and she did some stuff to help with any antibodies my body might make that could harm the embryos which we think may have happened the last time.

Worried

I really am. I just don't know if we are going to be able to finish coming up with the money we need in only two weeks. I hate this birth control it has made me bleed since I started taking it I can only imagine what it is doing to me in there I just wish there was a better way. Now I think we are really going to be screwed and not have the money in time I didn't think all this would happen I thought we had it all figured out then one plan fell through after the other and now were almost four thousand dollars short and well I am ready to just go rob a bank seriously. I see so many people who have all their family for support I just wish it was the same for us. We are completely on our own with all this and its so hard to be this young and try to come up with tens of thousands of dollars I just wish we had some help somewhere. My mom feels so bad she can't help us she doesn't have any money if anything I am the one who helps her when she needs it same with my sisters I don't mind I really don't it's nice that she tells me she wishes she had money to help I know she would if she could. My husbands parents on the other hand i'm just so frustrated. Sure its our own problem but you would think since they have a shit load of money coming in they would offer to help their only son who has amounted to anything have a baby. I just don't understand how his mom can go and buy ten thousand dollars sewing machines and a brand new truck and not help her own son especially after she opened her mouth in the first place and said she would help us. She is just all talk it just drives me crazy I don't get it at all. I have two more plans for today and if those both fail we are just shit out of luck I hate that money is going to dictate weather we have a baby or not a god damn piece of fake paper is going to decide this I just hate it. I dont mean to bitch and moan but seriously it sucks and I just wish I knew what the hell I was doing. Keep a look out on the news if you hear of a young girl who robbed a bank for money for IVF it was me!!!

Photo challenge

Well here we are already five days into February how crazy is that? Time really is just flying right before our eyes I cant believe how fast its going. I have been so busy I keep telling Jake I have all this stuff we have done that I want to write down so we can remember exactly what we were going through. I think pictures are amazing. You can just capture an exact moment and freeze it right there in time so in an essence we really do have some what of time transformation. You can steal that very moment forever and though its only a picture the emotion and feelings are so real even after years you wont ever forget. I decided to try one of those photo challenges and well lets just say im really behind already. I am now trying to catch up again. So here we go in no real order.... 1. Your view

That is the view from out my front door it really is beutiful even in the cold freezing weather.

2.Heart My amazing cat Scooby has a perfect heart on his paw its really cute but hard to get him to hold still.

3.Pink This is about the only pink thing in our home my trusty candle lighter.

4.Shoes Well there you have it our shoes haha dont really know a good way to capture that one obviously my husband needed new ones before my turn :)

5.Comfort This bed is probably what brings me the most comfort besides my husband and animals nothing better! Its actually a lot harder to come up with good ideas with this challenge then I thought but I suppose that is why its called what its called. I have been so so busy I feel like my phone just rings all day now which it pretty much does. So much goes into all this IVF stuff it takes up so much of your time long before the doctors appointments even start. I have had to go through four different pharmacies just to get all of the medication ordered its such a pain to remember what has been ordered and paid for and what still needs to be filled. I'm getting there though I already feel like were running out of time which is good and bad. We still don't have all the money we will need yet but I hope it all just works out we have about three more weeks before the good stuff starts to happen. Today is day seven on birth control still not feeling anything which is good because it has been so long I really didn't know how I was going to react. Well that is all for today people.